Season 11 TOW The Imitation Friends
by unagi23
Summary: Joey finds something odd about his new neighbors.
1. Chapter 1

Friends Season 11

**Episode 3: **TOW The Imitation Friends

**(Scene: Planetarium. Ross and Rachel are kissing. Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are all watching)**

Joey: Aww!

(Ross and Rachel break the kiss to see their friends sappily smiling)

Ross: What are you guys doing here?!

Chandler: I told them you would have wanted some privacy, but noo. No one ever listens to the funny man.

Ross: Well I don't mind so much, but I'm sure Rachel would have wanted some privacy.

(they look at Rachel who is showing Monica and Phoebe her ring)

Rachel: Would you _look_ at the size of it? I'm telling you, all you need to do is go out with someone for a couple of years, have a baby with them, and you get one the size of your fist!

(Monica looks at her ring and Phoebe looks at hers)

Monica: I can't believe you guys are finally engaged!

Joey: Does that mean she said yes?

Chandler: We're really happy for you guys.

Phoebe: Definitely.

(Ross puts his arm around Rachel)

Rachel: Thanks you guys. We're very happy about it.

Ross: So, so happy.

Phoebe: Hey! You guys are going to need someone to sing at your wedding right?

Ross: (avoiding the question) We're engaged!

**(Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is writing in a notebook.)**

Monica: Hey Honey. What are you doing?

Chandler: I (closes the notebook) am writing a joke book.

Monica: Okay.

Chandler: What? You don't think I could do it?

Monica: Sure you could.

(Phoebe walks in)

Phoebe: Do what?

Monica: Chandler's writing a joke book.

Phoebe: (laughs) Okay.

Chandler: What is so funny about this?! Is it because you think I won't finish it?

Monica: No sweetie. It's just that..

Phoebe: You're not funny.

Chandler: What?! What do you, what do you mean I'm not funny?! I am _very_ funny.

Joey: (enters from the bathroom) What'd I miss?

Monica: Chandler's writing a joke book.

Joey:(laughs) Good luck with that.

(Ross and Rachel walk in with Emma)

Joey: Hey! It's the newlyweds!

Chandler: Um, Joe.

Joey: Oh! Right! Husband and Bride!

Chandler: Close enough.

Monica: So? Any plans for the wedding?

Rachel: Monica, we just got engaged. Do you actually think we'd already have plans?

Ross: I'll be back, Emma needs changed. (exits)

Rachel: (grabs a bunch of papers out of her purse) So how do you think we're going to get Stevie Wonder to come?

(Monica smiles)


	2. Chapter 2

**(Scene: time lapse, Phoebe and Mike's)**

Phoebe: Ooh! I'll get it. (looks around for Mike) Guess I have to get it. (opens the door)

Rachel: Hey Pheebs.

Phoebe: You've come to ask me to sing at your wedding! Yes!

Rachel: Umm..so anyway, I was wondering if you could watch Emma tonight?

Phoebe: What's tonight?

Rachel: Ross and I are having our first date.

Phoebe: Correct me if I'm wrong, which is unlikely because I'm almost never wrong, but didn't that already happen?

Rachel: Well technically yes, but this is our first date since we've gotten back together.

Phoebe: But you guys are engaged.

Rachel: I know. But we're trying to pretend we've never been together. you know, sort of like.. starting fresh.

Phoebe: Where does Emma come in then?

Rachel: Okay! Alright! It's just a date then.

Phoebe: So the break never happened?

Rachel: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Sorry!

Rachel: So can you watch her?

Phoebe: No, I'm singing at a preschool tonight. Would you like to hear one of the songs?

Rachel: You know what, that's..that's okay.(pause) I just wish I knew someone who could watch her.

Phoebe: What about Monica?

Rachel: She's got the twins. And as much of a hostess as Monica is, I don't think she'd be able to handle it.

Phoebe: Oh right.

Rachel: You're busy, Ross's parents are out for the night, I don't have the heart to leave Emma with my mother, and I wouldn't trust Joey with even my sandwich. I guess Ross and I will just have to forget about it unless we can find someone else to do it.

Mike (walks in from kitchen) Do what?

Phoebe: They need someone to watch Emma.

Mike: I'll do it.

Rachel: Really?

Mike: Sure. How hard can it be?

Rachel: Could you excuse us for a minute? (to Phoebe) I don't know if I feel comfortable with him watching her.

Phoebe: Why not?

Rachel: He seems like a really sweet guy and everything, but I really don't know him. For all I know he could be a child molester or something.

(they look at Mike who's cuddling with the kitten)

Phoebe: Uh-huh okay (sarcastic)

Rachel: I'm serious!

Phoebe: You're worried about _him_? I'm the one who came off the street. If anything you should be worried about me taking money out of your purse.

(Rachel gives her a "do you?" look)

Phoebe: But I don't. (they look at Mike again) Just give him a chance.

Rachel: Fine (walks back to Mike) Okay Mike, you can watch her.

Mike: Great.

Rachel: I'll bring her over around seven. Well thanks Mike, I appreciate it. Bye. (leaves)

Mike: So who's Emma?

**(Scene: Joey knocks on the door of Veronica and Chad's apartment)**

(the door opens)

Joey: I was wondering if you guys had any sugar?

Veronica: Sure Joey. Baking cookies?

Joey: Cookies? Where?! (walks in their apartment)

Chad: Hi Joey. Would you like a slice of pizza?

Joey: Do you even have to ask?! (runs over and starts eating)

Veronica: Joey, I'd like you to meet our friends Ron and Rachelle.

Rachelle: Hi Joey.

Ron: So tell us about yourself Joey. What do you do for a living?

Joey: (mouth full of pizza) Actor.

Ron: Well that's nifty. I'm an archeologist and Rachelle is a Maitre d'.

Rachelle: Sweetie, I could have answered myself.

Ron: I'm sorry. (puppy dog eyes) (Ron and Rachelle start cuddling)

Joey: Are you two dating?

Rachelle: We sure are.

Veronica: And it's about time. Ron took so long to make a move, I thought Rachelle would never have a chance to become my sister in law.

Rachelle: But it was worth the wait. How I never knew he had a crush on me is beyond me.

Chad: (looking out the window) Hey look! Dino man's doing yoga again! ...And he's not alone.

(they all run to look. there's a woman in his apartment)

Joey: (mouths "how you doin?" to the window)

(the woman turns around)

Joey: Rach!!


	3. Chapter 3

**(Scene: Preschool, Phoebe is about to sing)**

Phoebe: Hi everybody. My name is Phoebe.

Kids: Hi Phoebe!

Phoebe: All right. My first song is about global warming.

Global warming is bad

You'll lose everything you had

The world will flood

There will be blood

And everyone will die

(the kids look shocked)

**(Scene: Ross and Rachel just dropped Emma off at Phoebe and Mike's)**

Rachel: (sweetly) Soo? Where are we going on our date?

Ross: Well...we could take a walk, um, or go out to dinner, ...oh! there's a movie playing at the Cinemax about the exstinction of dinosaurs!

Rachel: Mmm. You know what sounds.. romantic? Why don't we pretend that this _is_ a first date?

Ross: Keep talking.

Rachel: You know..get all dressed up. Go somewhere to eat, go back to the apartment (moves closer to him and looks him in the eyes) have some wine.

Ross: (swallows) I..I could go for that.

Rachel: Well then..see you in 10 minutes. (smiles) Don't be late.

Ross: (combs through his hair) (to himself) Oh, I won't.

**(Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is rearranging things and Chandler's still writing)**

Monica: I have some good news.

Chandler: They figured out what was wrong with Joey's head?

Monica: (laughs) Our house is officially ready.

Chandler: Ready?

Monica: For visitors! You didn't actually think I was doing all this cleaning for _us _did you.

Chandler: Well this _is_ you we're talking about

Monica: Oh would you get over it? You're never going to finish that joke book and you know it!

Chandler: Ohhh, we'll see about _that. _

Monica: How many jokes have you actually written?

Chandler: (silence) Is that a dust bunny I see in the corner?

(Monica glares at him)

**(Scene: Veronica and Chad's. Joey, Veronica, and Chad are waiting for their friends)**

Chad: (puts his drink on the table)

Veronica: (stares at it) Um Honey?

Chad: Yes?

Veronica: What did we just talk about yesterday? You know, _not_ putting a drink directly on the table.

Chad: Oh right. (puts a coaster under it) We'll just roll 'er on under there then. (they look at him) You know,_ roller_ coaster. Because I rolled ..the coast..er

(door buzzer) It's Fanny.

Veronica: Come on up.

Chad: Hey Joey, have you ever heard the one about how to get popes into a volkswagen?

(Fanny comes in)

Veronica: Hey Fanny.

Fanny: So I was walking over here and this guy came up to me and told me to give him my banjo or you know, he'd shoot me.

Veronica: Oh my God! Fanny!

Fanny: Oh no, it's okay I used to live next door to him. No wait, that was Tiny Bob.

Joey: Tiny Bob?

Fanny:The escaped convict who lived next door to us. Okay, well the guy today was the one who my mom left us for.

Veronica: Well what did you do?!

Fanny: I told him who I was and I guess my mom left him too. So tomorrow we're going out to dinner.

Veronica: Dinner?!

Fanny: It's okay, he won't be violating his parole or anything.


	4. Chapter 4

**(Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment)**

Rachel: You know, I almost feel like someone was watching all of that.

Ross: Well then they got quite a show. (smiles then pauses) I got stuck with first row seats to Monica and Chandler's performances over the years. Not quite the same when it's your sister.

Rachel: Not really.

(door bell rings)

(Ross opens it to Mike and Emma)

Ross: Hi Emma! How was your night?

Mike: Wild. I'm sure she'll tell you all about it in the morning. (Ross takes Emma from him)

Rachel: Thanks again Mike. I hope she wasn't a handful.

Mike: Nah. It was no trouble at all.

Rachel: My mother is convinced she'll be a victim of the terrible twos, so that's good to hear. Goodnight.

Mike: See you later. (starts to leave) Oh, and I talked to Joey. You might want to close the curtains next time.

(Ross and Rachel blush)

**(Scene: Central Perk the next day. Joey is introducing everyone to his neighbors and their friends)**

(Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross and Chandler find something weird about the others)

Rachelle: (to Ron) Honey, are you jealous of Enrique?

Ron: Nah.

Rachelle: Sweetie, I told you he means nothing to me. He's just the cute bus boy from Puerto Rico. Buttt, he's no where near as cute as youuuu.

Ron: Aww.

(Chad puts his coffee cup on the table)

Veronica: Chad! What are you doing??

Chad: What, what?

Veronica: You'll leave a ring!

Ron: Veronica, this isn't even your table.

Veronica: Does it matter?

Chad: So a jockey walks into a bar...

Veronica, Chad, Fanny, Ron, Rachelle: Heard it.

Chad: Did you guys hear the one about the duck?

V,C,F,R,R: Yess.

Chad: What about the one with the popes in the volkswagen?

Everyone: Yes!

Monica: Hey Joey, can you come here for a sec?

Ron: Joey, and when you come back I'll tell you all about King Tut!

Monica: (to Joey) It's about your neighbors.

Joey: Yeah?

Ross: And their friends.

Rachel: It's just that..

Phoebe: We hate them.

Joey: Hate them?

Ross: Boring.

Rachel: Obsessive.

Monica: Neurotic.

Chandler: Annoying.

Phoebe: Loud.

Joey: Come on you guys. Just give them a chance. You hardly even know them.

(they all answer "fine")

(Jesse walks in)

Jesse: Hey guys.(to his friends, Joey's neighbors) Guess what?

His Friends: What?

Jesse: I got the modeling gig!

Everyone: Congratulations!

(Jesse sees Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe)

Jesse: What_ you _up to?

Gunther: Everyone, I would like to introduce a first time singer here at Central Perk, Fanny Hoovay.

Rachel:(to Monica) You know, there's something weird about these people.

Monica: I know! I just can't figure out what it is. (they take their seats)

Fanny: Hi Everyone.I would like to dedicate this song to my friends.

(singing)

Stinky dog, stinky dog

why aren't they bathing you?

stink dog, stinky dog

it's all their fault

they won't put you in the tub

or give your fur a scrub

you may smell like a sewage drain

but that's cause you were in the rain

Stinky dog, stinky dog

why aren't they bathing you?

stinky dog, stinky dog

it's all their fault

(Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross finally all get it and look at Joey. It takes him a minute and his eyes pop out of his head.)


End file.
